Lessons and behavior that we examined from childhood and adolescence evolve in response to our personal experiences. Nothing is different with our reactions in dating and marriage. What do we know about communication? Here are 5 things that we should never say to our husband:
If you are looking for a single phrase that can kill intimacy as soon as it is said, you found it. Here are several things this short statement communicates to our husbands:
- You probably wouldn’t understand how I feel.
- I do not trust you enough to be honest.
- I expect you to know already what I’m thinking, and it’s not worth the time it will take to explain it.
Do not give your husband this phrase, especially if you plan to follow it up with the silent treatment. A cold shoulder may be the most dangerous kind of avoidance, and a “fight” (or a conversation if that is possible) is often a much better solution.
Forget it; I’ll do it.
This phrase speaks superiority like no other. When we say this, our husbands hear it as: “you are incapable,” and that is simply wrong and offensive. When over-controlling becomes your norm, our partners won’t be likely to offer help in the future.
Why are you doing it like that?
Nobody in this world likes to be micromanaged and nagged at. Switch this phrase with a loving and caring: “Do you need me to do anything?” This one creates an atmosphere of partnership, and in the long run, that is a perfect foundation for a marriage. Accusations and judgment will not get you far.
My mom thinks we should…
Men tend to be more private than women. Usually, women like to talk about their problems with their friends, sisters, moms. And while that can be very useful (especially if they are experienced), you should speak to your husband before you take your business to the neighbors.